Heaven has gained another Angel

Today another HoPE family has lost their little superman. A little boy named Jaden has become an angel flying among us. I do not know this family other then what I have learned from Facebook. I do know that my heart is breaking right now and I am laying here fighting back tears of sadness and fear. I know that my angel is doing well now but I have learned things can change in a second. I am scared to think what could happen. I know I shouldn't think about what can happen but you know it's hard not too. When you have gone thru what I have gone through with Adriana you can't help but worry. I don't know what I will do when that day comes and I am praying it never does. I have so many questions and none of them can be answered. Only God holds the key to the vault with the answers. If I had that key I don't think my life would be any easier or stress free. I just think it would give me the answers to questions and concerns I don't want to know about. I do know without any answers I have became a very strong woman. Without Adriana I do not know where I would be or what I would be doing. But I do know I would not be the person I am now. I love all of my HoPE families on Facebook but it bothers me to see what we have been through and what we are going through. I don't feel that any person should go through what we go through. It's a great feeling when you hear someone tell you how your such a good mommy and how strong you are but they never see me cry all day and night. They never see me worry so much that I make myself sick. I have to be strong on the outside because if I acted the way I feel I don't think I could function as a person. I have all these plans and dreams to finish school and become a nurse but sometimes I feel so exhausted all I want to do is lay around and cuddle with angel and her daddy. After being in the hospital for 21 days in january, 7 days in February, & 10 days in March I feel like my plans will stay dreams. After being scared because we learned that if the doctors wouldn't have intubated Adriana she would have became an angel flying among us. It's things like these that a family shouldn't have to go through. I could lay here all night typing my sorrows but instead I'm going end this post with a quote my grandpa told me when I was very little," because he lives I can face tomorrow. "