About Me
- Ashley
- I am a 27 year old mommy who's beautiful Angel had to go home. I lost my baby on 3/30/2011. She was born with semi lobar holoprosencephaly and would have been 3 on 6/1/2011. I am starting to walk a brand new path but I am not alone. I have my angel walking right beside me and my wonderful husband,Gabriel, holding my hand as we begin our journey together.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Missing my Angel
I didn't realize how much I did for/with my baby girl until I have nothing to do. It's funny to think how much I hated hearing her feeding pump go off but now I can swear to you that I can still hear it and it's music to my ears. I was always exhausted because I never got to sleep but at least I was with her. I miss her more each day and it's getting harder to get thru a full night of sleep without waking up crying for her. I thought I knew what heartache was but I was wrong. The pain my heart has felt before is nowhere near the pain I have felt over the past few weeks. There are so many things I wish I would have done for Adriana but I know I did everything I could for her. I always wanted to take her to get our pictures taken but I guess I knew that wasn't possible because I took over 1200 pictures of us. I love her so much and every night I still say my prayers just like I did when she was here. I don't know if me pretending to have her here certain times of the day will work anymore. I have realized my Adriana is not coming back and it takes my breath away more everyday each time that sinks in. I never realized how much I relied on Adriana until this past weekend when I got sick. I forgot what it was like to feel horrible and not have her pat my shoulder or rub my tears away. I got so used to her comforting me that I never thought about her not being able to. I have so many things I can say about my baby but I am crying so hard I can't see the keyboard on my phone. I love you so much Adriana Renae and I'm ready/waiting for the day to come when you to wipe my tears again. You will always be my numbero uno and my pumpkin butt!!
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1 comment:
Abby's feeding pump is running right next to me and I always think about it the way you used to- definitely changes my perspective whenever I hear a mom of one of our HPE angels say they miss that pump. I know it must be so hard on you. It makes me want to cry, too. Just know I'm thinking of you!
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