Missing my Angel

I didn't realize how much I did for/with my baby girl until I have nothing to do. It's funny to think how much I hated hearing her feeding pump go off but now I can swear to you that I can still hear it and it's music to my ears. I was always exhausted because I never got to sleep but at least I was with her. I miss her more each day and it's getting harder to get thru a full night of sleep without waking up crying for her. I thought I knew what heartache was but I was wrong. The pain my heart has felt before is nowhere near the pain I have felt over the past few weeks. There are so many things I wish I would have done for Adriana but I know I did everything I could for her. I always wanted to take her to get our pictures taken but I guess I knew that wasn't possible because I took over 1200 pictures of us.  I love her so much and every night I still say my prayers just like I did when she was here. I don't know if me pretending to have her here certain times of the day will work anymore. I have realized my Adriana is not coming back and it takes my breath away more everyday each time that sinks in. I never realized how much I relied on Adriana until this past weekend when I got sick. I forgot what it was like to feel horrible and not have her pat my shoulder or rub my tears away. I got so used to her comforting me that I never thought about her not being able to. I have so many things I can say about my baby but I am crying so hard I can't see the keyboard on my phone. I love you so much Adriana Renae and I'm ready/waiting for the day to come when you to wipe my tears again. You will always be my numbero uno and my pumpkin butt!!